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If i didnt feel an obligation to live, I'd be dead by now.

*sigh* Complicated Love

Why must life be so complicated?
Why can't love just come as is,
without it's tangled webs
it weaves
in the corners of our lives
and keep us caught,
in its grasp,
blind to see the truth
through the fog;
the sticky webs of love
unyielding
unchanging
for that one special one
keeping us lost
and oblivious to others.
Lost to love,
we're stuck in a dark oblivion,
only we see the light in the other
naturally attracted to it,
we stay.
We ignore the warnings.
We don't see the looks.
We only see our love,
the one who's promised their love for you,
and you alone.
Sworn their love for you only,
promising their hearts will never stray
will be forever yours.
We don't see the lies
in the empty words they speak.
Each word is consumed like a drug
it's ours:
needed,
vital,
special,
forever ours.
But only not.
When we see the other silhouette
behind the back the one who held you most dearly,
lips against another,
ones that whispered sweet nothings
as you took comfort in their arms.
The ones now begging for more,
feeling too much,
not getting enough.
Quiet tears
drip
drop
against that cheek
once affectionately touch
by the one
well, the one that you thought was the one.
But sometimes looks can deceive
as our backs our turned
our hearts are sealed
and promised are made
to never be so blind to such painful truth
to never allow one in like the liar, the cheater
to never forgive the lies
to never forget the truth of what was seen.
But once those eyes beg so sadly
desperately,
promises escape those luscious lips
that tenderly kiss
and rid us our the sorrow,
the walls built fall,
the mind ignores once again,
we are blind once again,
we forgive
we forget
and once again,
they're back.
And we brace ourselves,
yelling in our mind,
trying to convince our heart
such pain will never come again
it will all be okay
that it was a big mistake,
but uncertain steps are still made,
toes dipped into love
before splashing in...
headfirst.

I hate it when you like someone, but it just won't work out; too many complications.

I like doing the forbidden. Is that bad?

How interesting.

For such a long time, I've been in an environment, where people think that if they cuss and are all "badass," they're "cool'.  Even though I sometimes act like that to fit in too, I try to ignore that feeling I get, but deep in my soul, I MISS hanging out with those pure, innocent, non-immature asians that I used to never leave the sides of.  Being around a ton of Chinese for a few hours taught me the many differences between them, and other Americans.  And not being offensive or anything, but I can honestly say that I really love the way that the people from tonight were much more open to talking to each other and walking up to me and trying to get to know me, before giving me a once-over to see if I look good enough to be qualified to hang out with them.

I hate cliques btw.

Education
What does it take to get a "good education"? Can you just buy it? And should be easy or difficult to gain?